My life is in a million little pieces. Sometimes the pieces fit together perfectly, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time I don’t understand why things happen the way they do, why we are built to need to be close to other people, or why certain people feel things much more deeply than others.
Most of all, I don’t understand why when we lose one little piece out of the million, it feels like there’s no hope of fitting the pieces together again as they were. I can’t string together a sentence that would create a picture of how much I miss my best friend. I will never be the same without her. Her piece in my puzzle of a million little pieces was bigger than most. These new relationships I have in the painting program are the best I’ve ever had. I am finally close with people who understand what I make, which is the most important part of me. They can rationalize my thoughts just as they would their own. But, they will never fit the shape that Leighton fit for seventeen years. She was a shape that took whatever form I needed her to take. She would laugh with me, cry with me, and run with me in whatever direction I wanted to run.
Transferring was the best decision. I have this life now where all I do is make art all the time and I have friends who have my same taste in music and it’s fucking great.